infinity

Ironies

2012-02-12T01:52:00.000+05:30

Ironies are some of my forever favorites.

What you have is something that you not have.

What you not have is something you have.

What you want? You want everything, what you have and what you not have.

How you get it? That is smartness!!!!!!

Give hope and Smile

2012-02-07T00:19:00.003+05:30

Hello Friends,I am happy to tell you all that it is my birthday :). And on this day, Iwant to spread my happyness by starting this campaign for clean water.Please donate if your pocket permits:http://mycharitywater.org/smilewithishaniLets celebrate my birthday by doing something good today :)

Ishani

P.S. if you read it a little later, feel free to donate, pass a smile or just help someone :)

2012-01-29T23:47:00.000+05:30

Today I am wondering if my life is a movie with all its shades of melodrama, timepass, humour and suspense.

just like your life.

I am kinda lucky its only me who is watching it; It would really sound reallly silly to many and reaally real to another set :P

but yeah it doesn't matter atleast if its a flop show or a big hit; its my movie after all and none can watch it ;) even if they want to :P

Say what you mean

2011-12-20T00:28:00.000+05:30

You never mean

what you say;

you never say

what you mean;

I wonder what to do at times

mean what you say

or

say what you mean

or

say what you say

or

mean what you mean

tell me what to do

ohh, tell me!!!

but I can definitely say that

its fun when you say what you not mean

and mean what you not say :P

Passing Time

2011-12-12T12:41:00.001+05:30

Its interesting and weird to see the time passing by,

it seems so long since I have been living this day

a small hint of memory of morning breakfast and music seems ages old

and when I look back at the time from August -December

its so hard to imagine that so many things happened

in just this small time span

life played its game

things came and went

and I lived it all

and I am still here

living

I feel fresh and new

things are so enlarged,

that I wonder what have I been doing

how come time passing by is so slow and fun at the same time ?

I am just amazed to see and think

at so many things around me

I never thought poor memory can be so good for me

forgetting everything

is definitely an experience to live.

2011-12-05T20:30:00.001+05:30

And I start again

but what I like to say is,

that one should take roles in their life

roles of a brother, sister,lover,mother,engineer doctor etc etc

But see themselves different from the roles as well

This gives capacity to take multiple roles in your life..(isn't tht awesome?)

but seeing yourself makes you a little different from them all

and hard decisions gets easier

and misery turns into adventurous bliss :)

I know saying is easier than doing

but practice makes everything possible!

Thats what I believe in !

2011-10-17T00:32:00.004+05:30

I go around and sit here and there

I meet people, watch movies

make new friends every day

I be the girl who talks and talks

make people smile

learn from others

get help and give help

force friends to do me some favors,

try to do some favors to my friends

cook food

play

smile

play pranks

flirt around

work

discuss

enjoy.

and then at times of the day

there is nothing better

when I sit all by myself in my room.

the window open for the outside to come in

and just be with myself.

its then I live fully too

I regret, I hate, I love, I work, I smile,I talk, I feel

everything happens in just a few hours

and then I am done with everything I needed

and everything I wanted to give

and the life becomes full

and I get back to work and fun.

And something I just realized is

that one is incomplete without the other.

He came Last Night!

2011-10-13T18:09:00.000+05:30

I kept the windows open

For the cool breeze to flow

and for him to enter

He came last night

He stayed over with me

I couldn't sleep well

but it was worth it

He was very noisy

the sound I like

I woke up early,

lived it thoroughly

and its day,

the light is back

and the darkness gone,

so is he.

my love, the rains!

Memory!

2011-10-10T12:35:00.002+05:30

I used to be really proud

of myself to be with good memory

I used to remember the exact moments

of what happened

the look on your face

your reaction,my reaction.

But memories are slowly fading away

I have forgotten many things

good and bad

happy and sad.

I will still see you in flashes sometimes though

but only in flashes and not live those things again and again

And I am kinda liking it.

Good bye Good and Bad times.

Goodbye.

Moving on is good. :)

You get whatever you want!

2011-10-10T12:23:00.002+05:30

Have you ever noticed that

that you get whatever you want!

I am sure you would have not noticed this fact. But observe; it is often true!

You live a life of luxury and most of the things have been simple.

Look at the things you badly wanted but never got!

How hard they were and how hard you fought for them.

You lost. You moved on.

Look at the things you badly wanted, you worked hard and got them too.

I know you know their real value more than anyone who would have praised you for this achievement of yours.

Look back at all the things you take for granted,

see they are really valuable to you.

but you assume. because getting them wasn't hard.

You get, you forget. And the cycle goes on!

Appreciate what you have. Because that is all you have this moment!

And it will go away one day. But you have it now. Appreciate it!

Silence!

2011-10-03T22:50:00.003+05:30

The language of the silence moves me more even today after ages of blogposts on them.

and here I keep the silence and leave it on you to feel :)

Impressions

2011-09-28T08:52:00.003+05:30

We live a life of impressions.
Accept it or not, you are always under impressions of someone or the other.
whether it is your place of work or the person you love.
Even if there is none, you always have some impressions in your mind for the likes and dislikes, preferences and dis-preferences.
Look at yourself beyond impressions.
yes, you exist even beyond them and you are so beautiful without them.
Indeed this entire world or the things you like or dislike is due to the impressions.
They might be logical, but are still impressions, they will come and go.
Be in impressions, they are needed in situations.Take different roles in your life.
But see beyond as well, it will make you more human. It will make life less fragile and insecurities will go away.
You remain. You exist.
You are!

Assumptions

2011-09-28T08:48:00.001+05:30

Rise and Fall, happen all the time.
We fail We win.
We get big , bigger than we ever thought
yet always there is a child inside which does not see things like big and small.
which just feels and believes in only what it feels.
It might sound fancy to you, but not to the child.
In spite of all these great things, there is something inside which is untouched , unaffected.
something basic which remains.
You might be happy for your achievements , for the great things you did.
You might regret the places where you screwed up, messed around and made the entire situation horribly worse.
Yet However, that thing inside you, unchanged always exist,stays with you forever.
Rejoice it for this is with you No matter how great or ugly you have been.
Thank it for it has always been with you. You just assumed at many places, ignored it just valueing the things you were chasing. But inspite of it, it stays with you;unconditionally.
Look at all the people and the things you assume in your life and realize your life is great because of them. They have been with you, inspite of your ignorance of the importance it deserved.
Say thank you to your parents.

Notes!

2011-08-15T10:04:00.003+05:30

Are you a little more sad than you parents?

and weirdly, this modern world is more advance than the times of your parents?

Do you find the youth living more meaningless life than you lived?

Well this is going to happen. More virtual your life is, more virtual your happiness will be too.

A week back I came to know that one of my undergrad classmate(I didn't know him in person though...) committed suicide.Another is seeing psychiatric issues.
Never imagined, I will ever hear of this happening to people who are expected to have lives and career like my own.The number of such cases are increasing day by day.

one of my closest friends once said, that the people who have everything are more troubled than the ones crying just for survival!

I still continue to have a stand that technology inspite of being a great enabler is not being applied at the right place and hence the question arise if it is making a better world?

Lessons for Personal Life,Professional Life and Success

2011-08-03T00:06:00.006+05:30

1. Be a comfortable and friendly person. Always, If someone comes and ask for help.Give help. Be Approachable.

2. Feel! If you are not feeling good; you are not feeling good. It is not really you responsible for not feeling good. It can be because of people and environment. You have all rights to express and complain. Interestingly life gives you bad times as well. Times, when you really have no one to talk to or share with. You feel your complaints are stupid and no one really shares it. This will happen. Accept it. Accept that you are not feeling good. Accept that the times are bad. You are not bad. Definitely not.

3. Choose people and jobs which make you feel comfortable and happy; instead of the ones which are good at cracking jokes but have nothing inside them. Stay away from people who think they have a lot of money and are even arrogant about it. Choose people who give honest feedbacks without evaluating you. Make real friends. Don't just friend a bunch of people to hang out with if you don't feel connected to them. If you are living a life like that I pity you.

4. Somethings are more important than the rest. Such things include, feel good and satisfaction from your efforts.These things are much more important than how much money you make, how handsome or beautiful you look. Also, you may be satisfied by your efforts by just working hard and making your company progress; it also matters what you give to the society. This will affect your connectedness and feel good. I am sure Mark Zuck feels more connected to the world than me who is working for facebook. I am also sure that Mahatma gandhi was much more great than Mark Zuck. Human Goodness can save you from depression. Making millions of dollars might lead you to depression. I am not against making money, but don't kill yourself(and your human-ness) for that.

5. Time passes by itself; you don't really need weekend plans for parties and concerts to pass time. So, realize that life without learning will be a life of waste. Choose to learn than to pass time. Choose to experience than to pass time. Just experience that passing time as well. Its worthy to appreciate aging, even when u are surrounded by undergraduates who are possibly 50 times more enthusiastic than you.

Interestingly, these skills matters more than the real skill for a job including the technical coding skills etc.

The weird part is, i tend to forget these things again and again and then have to come back to them the hard way. And I know no one really enjoys the hard times! But I think these are worth learning.

Life is a Journey

2011-07-12T12:24:00.003+05:30

I mostly see people saying that. I say it myself.

Today, I am wondering If I really need to make any decisions. Will my making decisions bring any change in my life or in this world? It might or it might not!

To provide more context, I have been thinking about this in relation to all the aspects of my personal life.
I have to make a career choice between phD and a Masters Degree. I have to decide between working in my entire 20's with an amazing professor or with an amazing corporate. In the bottom of my heart, it doesn't really matter if I get a master's degree or a phD. It doesn't really matter as well, if I work with an amazing professor or an amazing corporate.
My parents are getting more and more involved in the fact that I am growing to an age at which I should get married.I somewhat agree with them and their concern, I always imagined myself getting married at the age of 25 or 26 or maximum 27. And my entire 24 is being spent in worrying that 25 is close. What a waste of my youth! Also,belonging to a family where people don't usually study and I, on the other side is already seeking a master's degree and might even get a phD, its kind of hard on my parent to hunt a groom for me.

In spite of knowing all the pros and the cons of the situation and knowing what I am capable of doing and what I should do; I am not able to make a good decision. Indeed, I have come up with a so-called philosophical way of escaping the decision making. And I am back again:
Are we really capable of making decisions? I really doubt that. I feel that life is a journey; a series of events which happen more than you doing them. I know you will disagree.

But if you see my current situation,you will understand. I am seriously not choosing to make a decision and instead see how my life goes. I am working hard towards both my phD degree and internship so that I do not really blame myself for things not going well. Honestly,I am not really making any efforts for my love life/ groom hunting; but now after writing this blog post,it seems I should. Man, this so hard!( Ohh god, confessing on my own blog is really bad!) But yeah, given that I do my best, I can leave the rest and deserve the decision making on what I experience and feel about the life each of the path offers me! Yes, I can choose to escape decisions! Indeed, this way I will really be asking life and choosing what it is offering me instead of making a decision and then wondering later whether it was right or not.

p.S.: I think so,recently I have been escaping my blog to express my honest opinion on this blog.But, I like talking, honestly :).

2011-04-29T01:44:00.005+05:30

You give us different colors

different songs

rise and falls

ups and downs.

In the end,we all have a different story,

different lives,

you made us all so unique in ourselves.

yet we are very much the same!

2011-04-26T05:53:00.002+05:30

I have seen you in different forms.

Rock like and Cold

Tormented with Huge waves,chilly

and yeah,calm. very calm.

In all forms,you remind me of myself.

You are the one I enjoy with the most in here.

Yes,I love you,

Dear Lake :)

Muddled up? -- No more!

2011-04-03T06:56:00.001+05:30

I really like this post of mine:

http://anantaa.blogspot.com/2009/04/muddled-up.html

Thankfully,I am no more muddled up! :) Thanks to the awesome year 2009-2010.

Ishani

2011-03-21T07:58:00.002+05:30

The highest art is no art. The highest form is no form

Any technique, however worthy and desirable, becomes a disease when the mind is obsessed with it.

When one has reached maturity in the art, one will have a formless form. It is like ice dissolving in water. When one has no form, one can be all forms; when one has no style, he can fit in with any style.

Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water my friend.

The highest technique is to have no technique. My technique is a result of your technique; my movement is a result of your movement.

A good JKD man does not oppose force or give way completely. He is pliable as a spring; he is the complement and not the opposition to his opponent’s strength. He has no technique; he makes his opponent's technique his technique. He has no design; he makes opportunity his design.

--- Bruce Lee

2011-03-03T02:42:00.002+05:30

Love the in-between lines of this song.....

Loose lips might sink ships
But these kisses take trips
To San Francisco, double dutch disco,
Tech. TV hottie, do it for scottie
Do it for the living and do it for the dead
Do it for the monsters under your bed
Do it for the teenagers and do it for your mom
Broken hearts hurt but they make you strong and

We won't stop until somebody calls the cops
and even then we'll start again and just pretend that
nothing ever happened

And we'll pray, all damn day, every day,
That all this shit ........... will go away
While we strive to figure out a way we can survive
These trying times without losing our minds

So if you wanna burn yourself remember that I love you
If you wanna cut yourself remember that I love you
If you wanna kill yourself remember that I love you
Call me up before your dead, we can make some plans instead
Send me an IM, I'll be your friend

Shysters live from scheme to scheme and my 4th quarter pipe dreams
Are seeming more and more worth fighting for
So I'll curate some situations, make my job a big vacation

A toast to the guy friends!

2011-02-26T12:32:00.002+05:30

Today,

I realized something!

A treasure I have.

I am really thankful to all the guy friends I made at IIT Delhi.

Thank you for being such great friends. And being just friends.

Something not expected of the opposite sex.But being treated just like another friend feels good :). Along with the politeness and niceness.

By the way, All I have realized my entire life is that,some things are special by not being special! :)

Thanks Again! Forever!

A wise thought

2011-02-25T06:12:00.003+05:30

I dunno if you have heard of this wise thought,

or you might have felt it sometime.

They say that you get only what you want.

and hence the best deal is not to want anything.

because you never know what is written for you.

Whatever you will get will be more than you wanted

because you wanted none :)

2011-01-04T22:49:00.000+05:30

How long does it take for the charm to fade?

From the plate full of four cheese pizza to the stomach full of pizza.

From a crush on a hot guy to a relationship with a hot guy.

From the arrival to home to the regular chit chats with family and friends.

From studying hard for entry into your favorite school to graduating from that college of yours.

From best friend with whom you share ur dilemmas and decisions to the ones who don't value you much inspite of all the time you spend with them.

All the charm fades. It never Survives!

What survives?

anantaa

2010-12-18T10:13:00.002+05:30

Do you like the infinite?

undefined.infinite.never ending.
beautiful and yeah,totally out of control or imaginations.unbounded.

Does it scare you? or make you feel things you have never felt before?

Today when I you get up from this computer while reading this blog.Go out and see as much as you can.Not as much as u want or need. But just see around,feel.Each and every thing. With your eyes wide open.Feel the freshness of the all the beautiful trees on the road you walk on today.

The tennis racquet you are going to hold.Feel it. Smell the soil if you can. See beyond your trouble,your dilemmas,your life.Just see beyond.And see everything.From a tiny ant to the huge sky.

Imagine.Play. Love.(I think it came inherently from eat,pray love and I kinda liked the movie)

Dear Lake

2010-12-02T07:25:00.002+05:30

Dear Lake,

It was nice to see you today in the evening.

Its weird that we live so much close but still haven't met in the past few weeks.

But you are always so welcoming,no matter how rarely I see you.As if I am your family.

I feel good that we gel together so well.Meeting you makes me more alive.

Thank you :)

I have a dream....

2010-10-31T23:31:00.005+05:30

I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope, with anything
If you see the wonder, of a fairytale
You can take the future, even if you fail
I believe in angels, something good in everything I see
I believe in angels, when I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream, I have a dream

Oh yeah
I have a dream, a fantasy
To help me through, reality
And my destitation, makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness, still another mile
I believe in angels, something good in everything I see
I believe in angels, when I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream, I have a dream

I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope, with anything
If you see the wonder, of a fairytale
You can take the future, even if you fail
I believe in angels, something good in everything I see
I believe in angels, when I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream, I have a dream

I'll cross the stream
I have a dream...

2010-10-30T10:21:00.002+05:30

Sometimes Its hard to see someone's fall.

When you know that they will fall but they don't agree.

But,one always have to believe in the almighty and that he will take care of all :)

One comment and I just start blogging

2010-09-17T23:25:00.002+05:30

Hey All!

So yeah,a comment again and here I am back to blogging.

I have just dropped by to say you a hello! Hope everything is well with you.And hope you are having a nice time.

If you are not having a nice time,I'll pray to god for you and you know he listens to everyone :)

and yeah,smile :).Always :).

Take Care

Change!

2010-07-01T12:05:00.002+05:30

Often,

People change me!

and I just love those changes :)

The ones I never thought would ever have a role in my life.

brought in a lot in me.

Thank you!

2010-04-03T19:52:00.002+05:30

What I like the most are,

the sudden unplanned moments of charm,

when companions does not matter,

neither the past,nor the future,

the cold breeze,

the dim light in the dark,

and you,

casually laughing,

not held,

but free.

2010-03-29T12:04:00.004+05:30

So on 15th Feb I sent out a resignation letter for the second job of my life.And by end of Feb I was out of my workplace.Although,I got a pay till mid- march,that was all for meeting people,explaining my work to fellow students and giving out all the ideas I have about the project etc etc...i.e. the fun activities :).And now,its been a month since I am so to speak sitting at home and have realized that I still have to do something to keep me living;not just for food but to avoid death out of boredom.

Given that I am likely to go for graduate studies by august(finally,I have decided I'll go and try to study),I still have four months to spare in which I want to make maximum money,do enjoyable work and have a satisfying life.Hence,I got a bunch of Ideas which I thought I'll share on my blog.This way people will know about my ideas and can poll me often to see if I am on track or not and I can see for myself if its worth pursuing these ideas or not!

So definitely,I am not going to share my work stuff here.(I have to do that all the time anywayz).All I am going to share is the list of things I want to do in the next four months!So here they are:

1.Ensure regular work.
2.Get Calligraphy pens and try out calligraphy.
3.Maybe learn Spanish or German!
4.Swimming?
5.Meet people.Meet people.Meet people.
6.Meet New People.
7.Travel in and around Delhi esp. heritage places,gardens,new food joints etc etc.
8.Complete some of the half read books.
9.Hopefully make at least 2 or 3 outside Delhi trips!

Now this list already seems pretty old.Wahi old Ideas and the old WannaDos!But I know,its me who makes doing these things interesting :).

So lets see,please keep track of me.

P.S. the ones in italics are my very very very old list of things I want to do,but I am too lazy and I hardly pursue them!

Feel

2010-03-19T10:14:00.002+05:30

Feel the moments

the cool breeze

the silence of the dawn

the synchronous chirps of even the crows

the moments of the fading darkness and the emerging light

the tall trees

the chants of Om

the routine talks of people

sense the vibrations near your ears

but always look on the path you walk on,

because you might fall down :)

Finally on blogger!

2010-01-22T12:54:00.003+05:30

This one is my gtalk status since some time.

I am having good gtalk conversations because of this.
Here it is...

an old woman had two daughters – one who sold rain-coats and the other who sold sun-screen lotions. The old woman’s problem was that every time it was cloudy and raining, she felt sad for the daughter who sold sun-screens and every time it was too sunny and bright out there, she felt sad for the other daughter who sold rain-coats. Was there a solution to the old woman’s worries?

I know,you know the answer.

If you don't know,then think.

This is really beautiful and key to many problems of your life :)

Take care

BackTracking

2010-01-17T12:50:00.003+05:30

Was reading my Blog again...
really liked the lines..my own lines you know :)

here they are:

How simple is life.And how complicated we have made it.So,now I am living a comfortable life,have a bunch of friends and am in constant touch with family.I like and dislike stuff.But I am happy.And there are some tough phases,some sort of a problem,dissatisfaction or just some crisis,and then I am complaining,or if I am not complaining,I am fighting.Well at any point of time am I forgetting something?Am I too much involved into things,comforts or discomforts.Do I forget that what I really want is there intact even during these highs or lows.And there are many people around just suffering to maintain these basic standards.Why am I making it complicated?life is so simple.

All one need is freedom,nothing more.I have not able to earn that.Disabilities in people somehow gave them that.Doing their best in whatever tiny bit they have.We always try to judge ourselves and add expectations to us.We always expect others to judge us correct(else blame them unfair).We are ready to take more even if we give less.We need freedom.
Interestingly,We need freedom from ourselves.

Post Link:
http://anantaa.blogspot.com/2007/12/mystery-of-genius.html

its the last line which moves me the most.

A movie worth watching is

2010-01-15T15:57:00.002+05:30

...................................................

THE SECRET

Go,See it!

Live it every moment of your life!

All the best :)

...................................................

2010-01-12T14:42:00.007+05:30

I remember recently discussing with a close friend that,

if we honestly,sweetly and politely speak what we think about a situation or a thing without even considering the other person's opinion and yet allow the other person to make an independent decision,we will make a simpler and a better world.

I really liked it and honestly I am mostly like this.But still I end up listening to a lot of 'I never liked you when I first met you' things from close friends and I guess many think the same about me.(Hence I slowly learned the importance of being sweet and polite :)).

btw the post is about an interesting excerpt from a book which expresses many great and controversial Ideas,Atlas Shrugged.Something which is very similar to a simple and honest expression without adding 'the binding emotions' to it!This is one of my favorites.

"Did it ever occur to you, Miss Taggart," said Galt, in the casual tone of an abstract discussion, but as if he had known her thoughts, "that there is no conflict of interests among men, neither in business nor in trade nor in their most personal desires—if they omit the irrational from their view of the possible and destruction from their view of the practical? There is no conflict, and no call for sacrifice, and no man is a threat to the aims of another—if men understand that reality is an absolute not to be faked, that lies do not work, that the unearned cannot be had, that the undeserved cannot be given, that the destruction of a value which is, will not bring value to that which isn't. The businessman who wishes to gain a market by throttling a superior competitor, the worker who wants a share of his employer's wealth, the artist who envies a rival's higher talent—they're all wishing facts out of existence, and destruction is the only means of their wish. If they pursue it, they will not achieve a market, a fortune or an immortal fame—

they will merely destroy production, employment and art. A wish for the irrational is not to be achieved, whether the sacrificial victims are willing or not. But men will not cease to desire the impossible and will not lose their longing to destroy—so long as self-destruction and self-sacrifice are preached to them as the practical means of achieving the happiness of the recipients."

whatsay?

Suppose..

2009-12-18T01:22:00.004+05:30

suppose one day,

you find all the answers you were searching for throughout your life,

the answers capable of solving all your doubts and queries.And of course your problems.

the answers after which everything seems logical.The word complicated might not make sense,even in the trickiest situation!

what will you do?

would you live to the fullest?
would you be able to utilize the powers of your answers in your life practically?

Maybe
Maybe Not!

Finding answers is not sufficient.

Realization is important!

very important!

if you change your perspective,

2009-11-30T23:28:00.004+05:30

Nothing will change much.

You will still have to go to work daily.

The work will remain the same.

Your mom will still call you asking loads of questions about your sleep,food and mood!

Your boss will still shout at you.

Your friends will still tease you.

But Life will be much more beautiful.

even the failures will seem like success :)

and problems as opportunities to learn!

so just change your perspective!

P.S. Just do it the right way!

Continue!

2009-11-27T19:09:00.002+05:30

So self attached

2009-11-26T18:52:00.003+05:30

we all are..
so much that whenever I go to the washroom,I always look at myself for atleast 10 seconds :)

Everything has good and bad aspects,so does self love or self attachement.

But it is the acceptance that matters! I hope I develop myself sensible enough to give up this love for my self when required.

New Post

2009-11-12T12:28:00.009+05:30

Helllo people!

A comment on one of the posts here made me read my blog again.And for the first time,I found it refreshing,very refreshing.As if I am looking at the green nature after rains.This is also due to some chillness in Delhi's whether and the news of awesome mausams in Hyderabad and Bangalore! I miss it yaar,a lot!

just thought of adding more freshness to the blog!

okay so life these dayz is really busy.But not with work.The best thing is that I am occupied doing something or the other. Whether it is work,interesting talks,TV,exercise(but I am still fat :( ) or time with family.And yeah,the last but the most important for the present, grad school applications.All time is fun time.

I really want to see some rains in delhi! although there is no chance to it,I think a long walk in the garden should help me :).
And now I suddenly remember the times when I went for a walk with my friends from IIT to Green Park singing songs while it was raining,it was beautiful!
I thought of augmenting my mood with google's images! So here they are:

Why Do We Talk?

2009-09-20T23:47:00.004+05:30

So frankly,

Why do We Talk?

1.We talk to have a pointless,directionless talk which somehow always manages to be interesting!

2. We talk because it just feels like we can talk anytime and we end up having a good conversation even when you don't have a good topic to start with.

3. We talk because its been some time since we have talked,and yeah, the talks are fun and we update each other about the adventures and misadventures,sometimes at least!

4. We talked because we had no other company and now we know each other enough to understand.

5. We talk because we used to have good conversations,but now its almost replaced by void.

6.We talk to catch up.

7. We talk because I get bored often and with you I can have a meaningful,motivational and fun talk.

8. We talk to help each other out in their troubles.

9. We talk to update about really interesting events of our lives.

10. We talk because it seems like long since we have talked.

11. We talk because we identify with each other.

12. We talk because we have always talked!

13. We talk because talking helps a lot.

14. We talk because we never talk for the sake of talking :).

Well the list is endless and many important points I would have missed which I am sure I will remember after publishing this post and this will happen for the next few days.

I just hope that none of such talks ever expire from our life.

Give me three months and

2009-08-13T23:48:00.007+05:30

...

I will be bored of Anything or Nothing

I will start reconsidering my decisions

I will be bored of having the same people around

I will start complaining about too much space or no space

actually,I will start complaining about everything.

and yeah,I guess sleepless nights will be on their way!

...

Back To Delhi

2009-06-05T17:11:00.003+05:30

I am back to Delhi.
After almost an year, looked into my computer and saw all the stuff/data I had when I was in College.
It brought a few memories back,of all the friends who seem more grown-ups now and a few who are still the same as they are in the pics.
Got Some interesting lines which I seem to have copied from somewhere(do not remember the source).Something of the kind I post on this blog which does not make much sense :)

There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won’t anymore, and who always will. So don’t worry about people from your past, there’s a reason they didn’t make it to your future.

If at any time you categorize me into any of the categories stated above,do tell me.
And yeah, Do tell me its source.I have this feeling that it is really popular.

Tagged again!

2009-05-04T01:01:00.002+05:30

Rohan tagged me on a his own created tag.I really liked the Idea behind but I think I would be the worst person to be tagged on this topic.

The Topic:
Things that cheer you up when you are low.

I initially thought I'll write a post on it araam se.But I just cornered out some of the things that can cheer me up and then whats better than completing the tag.

I would be the worst person for this tag because I can't really cheer myself up if I am feeling low.Its really hard!

Anywayz,here are some things which do help me out:

1. I talk to a really close friend,named Sonika.She is a really nice and close friend,and she is known for her arbitness a lot.And talking to her on anything(things you move to on the low times) can cheer you up.Because she is really arbit,and that too unintentionally.And she talks genuine stuff and all makes you smile or laugh,makes you feel its all unimportant .So,sometime later,she makes me realize that whatever I am worrying about or whatever is turning me off is either too silly or its better to leave things on its own.My worrying will not change anything.And I come back smiling! Also,she helps me take decisions,less thinky and more heartful :)

2. Nowadayz,I look at pics of my life at IITD.It makes me smile and remind me of all beautiful moments I had.

3. Read my own blog.It makes me realize what I used to think.And how strongly I still believe on those. I dunno if it cheers me up,but definitely it brings me in peace with my feeling of lowness.

4. Sleeps.Sleeping for some time and then waking up in silence of fresh dusks/dawns or the nights!

Anyone reading this blog is invited for this Tag!

2009-04-24T14:26:00.003+05:30

Loads of choices,

loads of options,

which ones to pick,none knows.

So much of noise,

that your own ideas and thoughts scare you,

one trust others and consider worldly options safer,

than their own heart's likes,

After all this,

what is left inside is sadness and emptiness,

and in the end there's none again to tell

what next? why next?

2009-04-24T12:38:00.004+05:30

I am sure now,

Guyz have double standards.

Interestingly, their general mentality and thoughts have double standards.

Or maybe,

we all are full of double standards!

The Defaults!

2009-04-18T22:08:00.002+05:30

The best people in my life,

are the ones I take for default

the more default my relationship with a person gets,

the better I feel.

Difficult to understand,it can be.

But I feel, it is true :)

2009-04-15T22:55:00.003+05:30

Dependence or No Dependence.

I do not understand.

both are equally painful!!

It seems like pain is tautology!

P.S: I just remember telling a friend this morning that a right balance is very important.But what's balance? Atleast sometimes,I want to be in extremes!!

So many times....

2009-04-09T23:17:00.002+05:30

I imagine myself

listening to people

understanding them

their thoughts and their acts

but it is so stupid of me

that I always interfere whenever it even starts to occur in reality!!

Muddled up!

2009-04-07T23:05:00.004+05:30

Life was much different there than I thought it would be.

Things were mostly beyond the limits I have imagined and the limits I prefer to live in.

It was more about accepting,learning and dealing with things when they go out of control.

Life even went out of control.

Lesson was to be calm whatever happens,and yes ofcourse,to believe in yourself always!

One thing,however which should not be forgotten while you spend your whole life handling troubles there yet getting time out doing nothing were the things which brought you there.Courage and freedom of taking risks,ability to not foresee much,ability to live even without backups and still surviving.

However,the pride it gave is something I like.I am arrogant,but believe me arrogance isn't always bad.The good arrogance is called pride and I am full of it.I was always.

Life is worse now.Its not near the infinite,but worse because it seems to be moving in a circle.Even if I run faster,I come back at the same point. Infinity was much better,undecipherable but explorable!

Silence should not be considered shyness.Silence should not give the opponent a chance of saying anything they do not deserve to say.Because breaking silence can cause lightning.And it can burn your house.

In this world,dissatisfaction is very important.If you always want to grow and learn,you should always be dissatisfied with the present,at every step.But do you ever reach a final state?I doubt!
In Another world,satisfaction is the thing! Every move is for that.

Which world do I belong to? I want both! The above one to prove myself to noone and the lower one for my personal happiness.Lets see who wins!

All I hope is that I win!

Retrospect.....

2009-03-17T19:43:00.003+05:30

Look back and see...

Not the good times in the past,they always come and go.
But,
your thoughts,your reasons
and see,compare to the present,
evaluate where you stand,

are you better off now,more sensible and more rational,
or you had higher aims and you are lost somewhere in between.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Almost a month back,when my homesickness and boredom reached its height,I talked to my brother and he said something which was a higher aim of my life in the past.I realized that I am lost in myself and stupid stuff,forgot what I truly believed in.Though the belief isn't back but at least I have realized it.
Often,when I talk to people,they remind me of the things they used to say and what they are saying then.It makes me smile :).

P.S. : Interestingly,this realization I had contradicts my previous post.Now,I am smiling at myself.

What if?

2009-03-05T19:38:00.002+05:30

What you would have been if you were not software engineer?

A question raised today in office.Quite an interesting one.Spent a fun half an hour on that.And not just me.But almost the whole team of mine talked.

My Answer:
I could have been a doctor,because I chose biology till 12th. But planned to study for IIT entrance.At some point of time,I wanted to join St. Stephen's,Delhi University.

Post group discussion contemplation:
Many times you decide against your dreams,and indeed what you decide is better than what you dreamt!! I almost always decide against my dreams,the reason is dreams ignore a lot of use-cases,esp. the ones that occur in real life :).I feel good that I evaluate options beyond my dreams :)
(Not the first time,this thing is coming to my mind)

Now the question is for you:
What you would have been if you were not what you are?

I sometimes wonder..

2009-02-07T00:04:00.002+05:30

the way I can save my chats..

if I could save my phone calls and voice chats as well....

:)

Do Good

2009-01-31T15:15:00.003+05:30

It started last week when my brother donated some money to UNICEF.I was excited in doing something good as well,and as a result I opened the UNICEF website today.

Here are a bunch of links I got and followed.I didn't go into the details of each and every organization but before I thought of sharing it.

http://www.unicef.org/

http://www.freerice.com

http://www.unicef.org/india/index.html

http://www.poverty.com/index.html

http://beta.wfp.org/

http://www.concern.net/

Go ahead,and do something good.
And when you do it,tell me.
I'll be inspired more :)

Quirks

2009-01-17T23:23:00.002+05:30

I missed one in the previous one.However,its the funniest and the most painful for me.

I have a very high tendency to fall.It can happen at any place,any time and any where.There have been situations like someone was talking to me and moved his/her sight for a second but looked back to not find me,because I fell.Sometimes the frequency of me getting a sprain is as high as twice a week!
And its painful,because when I fall down,its already paining and the other person is laughing at me instead of helping me.The world is bad and mean!My own friends are bad and mean!!

Tagged

2009-01-14T22:42:00.006+05:30

Rohit me tagged to write on six of my quirks.So,I got a job to do in between my job,all the day and somewhat,talked to myself :).

The Rules:
1. Link the person who tagged you.
2. Mention the rules on your blog.
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours.
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them. (tagged all)
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged.

First and second are done.Here's the third one:

1. I sleep flat with the back of my body facing upwards.

2. I have been very choosy about food stuff.I normally have judgments about food without even trying it.And hence have not even tried really delicious(as every one calls them) lassi or rabdi faluda,thandai,porridge and yeah they mostly are milk products(something I realized not very late)

3. A normal human being is shy to strangers and slowly opens up and starts talking freely.I am more of the other way round.I am more talkative and open to strangers than to people I am close to.

4. Once as a kid,I was really attracted to the Ice in the freezer and and stuck my toungue to the Ice while licking it :P.

5. When I was two or three days old,I was exchanged by some other kid in the hospital till my mom realized she(the kid) is not me.I heard loads of stories from my parents during my childhood,saying that I am not their kid and I have also tried to scare them by running away(just a few meters away) from our home!

6. I am a very authoritative person in restaurants.My friends say that I don't let the waiter relax a bit and they(my friends) enjoy the company because they don't even have to think what is missing,I am already telling the waiter do this and do that.

And I am tagging the following:
ritu,doc,moti,pushkar and jyoti singh
(most of these guyz blogs are dead except for doc's,but please please please blog.This thing is fun and it does not take that much time!)

and the last person will be whoever reads the blog.Please leave a comment(known or unknown) yourself and say 'I am tagged",I'll be more than happy to see :).

My kind of Cinema

2009-01-12T20:00:00.006+05:30

I have never discussed something like cinema here.But today at lunch,I totally talked about my kind of cinema,which was fun.You know,saying off that "what crap it was" or asking "in what mood can this movie be liked" or something like "that one was totally amazing" was good.
I heard comments like,
"You focus on story and I focus on acting"
and
"It was you who last said that blah was good but it was not,see I don't really trust your choice!"

My kind of cinema:
I am normally unaware of latest releases.I hardly care about booking tickets on time.And I hardly care about movies as well,esp. the new releases.I am normally of the sort who waits for a week or two for all sorts of reviews to come out and then only if it is safe enough and the reviews are 90% good,I go and watch the movie in a cinema hall.
(Things have changed a bit now,but only a bit)
Another thing.Its not that I don't watch much movies in a cinema hall,I don't even watch much movies on my desktop,esp. Hindi latest releases with cheap comedy.You know making yourself sit for two continuous hours is really hard for me.I prefer 20 minutes sitcoms(not even 40 minutes)

Some of the times I enjoyed watching a movie in a cinema hall were when we looked up for the shows which were about to be start in next half an hour and got dressed and ran for the movie.Luckily,we always got tickets.Though once, we got two tickets each in different row :P.And it was never the movie which I enjoyed.

I normally prefer watching English movies on my laptop which should be a popular kids movie,a good yet not stupid romantic or just anything good(like prestige and many more)

okay,but all this is not really my kind of cinema.My kind of cinema is different than this.

They are Indian,but the movies are mostly in English.They display our culture and its loopholes as well(you know loopholes always give me a feeling of acceptance over ignorance).They are mostly non-commercial,but not art.It can be a bit of a prejudice to like these sort of movies.And I never need to watch such movies in a cinema hall.TV or computer,both are good for me,and I really like them there.And yes the list is never ending....

Monsoon Wedding
Jhankar Beats
My brother Nikhil
1947 Earth
The Kite Runner(It feels Indian)
Mr and Mrs Iyer
Hyderabad Blues
Dor
Rockford
Khosla ka ghosla(let me call it non commercial)
bheja fry
dasvedaaniyaa
Namesake was okay.
Mitr, My Friend should be good(I want to watch this one)
...
...
...
...

P.S.: a very few commercial movies are actually good and I really liked them ,like RDB,Lagaan,Taare Zameen Par,swadesh.

P.P.S: Don't take the cinema word too seriously,I know there's another cinema probably much better than the ones I am pointing to.But I am talking about the routine movies which come and go,and not the revolutionary cinema or independent films(Probably that can be another topic to blog on).

This winters...

2009-01-04T14:34:00.004+05:30

I miss winters

I miss Delhi

I miss layers of blankets

I miss home

I miss family

I miss friends

I miss my people around.

Moments

2008-12-30T23:34:00.003+05:30

Just saw this in one of the recent drafts.This one is worth posting.And,I never wrote about college though that is the time I don't even have to recall,its there in my mind always.

I know you know that somethings even if left unsaid are a lot worthwhile and don't need any words.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Moments are to be lived and remembered.Being inspired by a post,I thought of penning down some of the moments of my life.
Okay,so where to start from...college,school or may be even before.
Okay school.

So,I enjoyed my school life only from class 5th onwards.I remember the lower classes but they weren't that fun.Class 5th onwards,life was great.I was good at academics,started making some great friends which are still in my mind always though I am not much in touch.Its really hard to pick up the phone to call them up and then to think what to talk about.But I'll remember them always.

* Birthday Party: I think,that was the sole birthday party which I enjoyed the most in my school life.That was the first party I attended of a school friend and it was after then school friends started taking places in my life beyond school :).We(3 friends) went to my friend's(birthday girl) place.There were so many people there,I was almost shocked to see such a huge friend circle of someone.My parents didn't have much friends,Its only the relatives who used to eat up all the time then.But on that party were friends,neighbors and many people.And her dadaji,and dadi...that was like beautiful.I remember throughout my school life I appreciate her family and how closely knit they were.

*Class 7th : My row used to be full of shaitaan people.Amazingly shaitaan people.They used to do crazy stuff daily.Always.There have been loads of jokes and habbits that I have gathered from them.Like,using respect as sarcasm.A guy with a surname bhatia was called bhatti.And we had songs on his name.And playing the stupidest game all the time.And fighting on stupid Issues.I used to catch cold very soon.Once,I was shivering in school and another guy was counting how many times I shivered.And there was some bit of gunda raj as well,amongst guyz.Once the principal was supposed to say 2 words and we counted that he actually said 1500 words.That's so bad for princi.And we used to be shouting 'hoooo" all the time in class tenth,so much that even our junior who had their class nearby thought there's some new school opened nearby which is creating some noise.I used to be a cricket champ amongst girls :).

End of Class 10th: I remember the day exactly,almost exactly :P.It was 2 days before class 10th from 8am in the morning till 10-11 at night.What a day it was,spent the whole day with my friend and her siblings(1 sis ,1 brother and 1 cousin).I just loved the day.We ate maggi,corn,watched movie.And spent excellent time together talking and called up everyone wishing luck for board results.I spent an awesome time with her siblings as well.I remember her younger brother was kinda shy to talk to me but by end of the day I think I was her favorite.I remember that when I met this friend of mine and her mother an year back,her mom said that her younger brother still miss me.I miss them too.

Class 7th again: It was our first time when we friends went out to some restaurant from school.And you know,it was the grandest way ever.So,we all dressed properly after school and went to pizza hut( I find that expensive now,but I didn't mind there going then) and on a car with a driver.Even the driver bhaiya was so much fun and talkative.And we ordered there damn elegantly.I wonder what those pizza hut waiters must be thinking about us then(we were kids!!).BUT pizza hut CP waiters were very cute.

Post Class 10th: So we four friends went for the movie 'raaz'.One the "Last day,first show".The cinema hall was empty,except we four and an aunty sitting just behind us with her two kids.We named Bipasha Basu,the haunted girl and her house in OOty as the Haunted house.And laughed heavily throughout the movie.Mazza aa gaya tha.Giving name and guessing incidents of the horror movie.And the aunty sitting back was asking us,'beta why did this happen and why did that happen'. I don't know who explained her,because I was all busy cracking scenes in a fun way and laughing.

Someone from our class threw an paper plane outside toward the school ground with abusive language written on it and it was caught by princi.That was a very bad day for us,and good and fun enough to remember abhi tak.

Just some name summary:
four great friends:
Megha Manaktala was 'chabi-tala'
Geeti Khullar was 'TT cooler'
Neha gurlhoser was ' buldoser'
and Ishani was 'e-shaani'
and many more friends :)

I think this is much less than what the time I had then.But everything need not be told.Some things are just left to be remembered with time or with meeting old friends.
College will be in the next post.

-----------------------------------------------------------

The Joy Of Life!

2008-12-29T22:12:00.006+05:30

Finally,I am back to my all time favorite, The Corrs.

Lonely Traveller

2008-12-24T17:10:00.005+05:30

Everything is fine,

Travelling all alone and on your own.

even without talking for hours and hours and even with limited food and water.

the hardest part is to leave for destination and start the journey.

The hardest part is to break the inertia!

Look around

2008-12-17T22:25:00.003+05:30

So,do you actually look beyond your own life?

Today we were having a discussion on our way back to home.However,discussion was left in between due to some reason.But let's continue here.So here it goes:
S said that Americans don't look beyond US.And I said,its really not their fault.Its the America which is the center of world politics,we watch American movies and eat American food.So,its only because we see and hear so much about America,that we know about them.Anyways,why would they know about India?Only if they read about it in politics,or Indian food is really popular or some reason or maybe if they know someone in/from India.Anways,I am pretty sure people will know more about India as compared to other small country.I asked,does she know anything about neighbouring countries of India like bangladesh and the answer was very tiny knowledge which can be concluded from India-pakistan war and origin of Bangladesh.

Opinions are invited on this.

However,I am looking beyond this question now and it has turned more generic.So do you actually have knowledge of what is available around or is your knowledge beyond that.I am pretty sure that what is available around is easy to acquire and more talked about hence more knowledge.For example,I think I am capable of doing business because my father is a business man,and he'll help me out and will manage.However,I am doing a job,and when I ask him questions related to that,he's hardly of help.But I am also pretty sure that there is inquisition which helps man explore beyond the unknown.That's the way great scientists like Einstein emerge.But definitely,inquisition is not very generic and hence we cannot conclude mass behavior on that.Also,it is more like one fact raise many questions and from there the chain of inquisition begins.However,not to forget,all these great laws of science developed out of nothing(Man started with nothing),but still newton found laws of Gravitation when apple fell on his head.So as of now,I am not very sure inquisition is out of nothing(totally developed by humans) or there are always some fact or the other which cause it.Maybe both.

But okay,if we even forget this whole specific discussion of inquisitive or non-inquisitive Man.
Do YOU and people around you actually look beyond your own life(and around the ones that matter)?

Another self centred talk

2008-11-09T11:54:00.004+05:30

I have been thinking and doing many other stuff nowadayz apart from myself,the sole thing left is to blog about them.I even had ideas on what to write about but I just tend to skip them on my blog.I think I'll be writing on them soon.So,I am continuing with another of the self centered talk,as it is in my mind right now and would like to announce it on my blog :P.

I actually don't know what exactly is the state of my mind.But was just reading the last few posts which I wrote post IIT.And I am a bit happy that I am able to accomplish the Freeze Time :) :)(read here).Though I am not really sure,but I think that I haven't stopped blogging or thinking about stuff I used to in college.The best thing is I feel that I haven't changed much with the job life(in a good sense).Not changed means I think the things which were important then are still important,and I am not ignorant about those which mattered before.And post diwali,I feel better here as well..bas nazar naa lag jaaye!!
Maybe,my perspective is changed,or I am actually looking at the right things and not misjudging my own behaviour and attitude.I am really happy right now :)

keep smiling!!

What did you ask for?

2008-11-05T00:16:00.007+05:30

Everyone lives with some dreams,some thoughts and some plans.They plan for the future and wants and hopes for some things in their life.

A few days back,I was in Delhi for diwali.It was almost the end of the vacations when I started getting sleepless nights and they were primarily because of sleeping during the day time.(I got up late even on days like diwali and bhai dooj,when there's constant arrival of guests since the morning hours.)However,that night felt good and fresh.I started feeling like I should just always live for the present and move with the flow sort,feel each and everything you see in the life(can't even describe it now!).And stay happy and no resistance and no rebellion sort as well(I am big rebel otw though).
And then a tiny thought came to my mind:

The world gave me something that I never asked for.And now,I am thinking what next should I ask for.I got a lot more than I expected,I wanted much less.But doesn't that mean giving back?

I wonder a lot of stuff,but for this I searched a pen and a paper in the middle of a dark room and wrote it down without my thick glasses.

Also,I am wondering since the past six months that there are many things I think and care about.But I don't have any direction.I don't know when will I actually start doing something about them.

Another Try

2008-10-23T23:34:00.011+05:30

The life is different now.Different than what I had in college.Its easy and its hard.I have more time and less time as well.The good thing is that it lets me think beyond a window,a perspective which was previously affected by peers a lot.Now I am more of a free,no matter what everyone around say,its my own opinion which matters the most to me and dilemmas are less.Though,it won't be much right to say the above line.The better way will be,the dilemmas matter less now.The bad thing is static life.Although its kinda good and bad as well,because as someone said(I know who but its fun saying someone): 'whenever you are not sure,just stand still'.

I am standing still right now.(Though,finally,I think I am moving somewhat;don't know whether its the right direction or not)

I don't know why I am writing all such stuff here.I opened the blog to write something,Anything actually.Because its been a very very loooong time since when I actually wrote on this blog.And that was the sole reason,I opened the blogger and clicked the button saying 'New Post'.Its not that I haven't tried putting anything,but mostly I am fulfilled talking to someone or the other and if that does not help,I don't think this blogger can help.Also,nowadays its much easier to press the button 'save now' instead of 'publish post' because my posts on second read seems quite useless and self centered to me.
Hmm so self centered,I don't like self centered people,and this blog of mine reminds me all the time,how self centered I am.I try hard putting posts where I just don't talk about myself,but that is really hard.And that's really bad as well.I think I can challenge myself on this,The challenge is 'I have to write posts on this blog which are not about me'.At least,is bahaane I'll be putting down something here :)

btw
What sort of expression do you have after reading blogs?
I read some blogs regularly or irregularly nowadayz.
sometimes,"What stupid crap?.
sometimes "hmmmmm",
sometimes,"maybe"
sometimes,"maybe not"
sometimes," hehehe"
sometimes,"good to see that"
sometimes, "that's exactly what I was thinking about the movie,though everyone said the opposite"
sometimes,"total timepass"
sometimes,"its fun and its good."
sometimes,"nice idea"
and sometimes(mostly for my own friends blogs),"ohh come on,write something now!!!Something really good"
and another,just after opening this guy's blog,even without reading,"ohh,I can't read it,he writes only about his imaginary world!!He's dreamy eyed all the time!"
sometimes,"Its too cryptic,lets leave it"
sometimes,"cool links and really cool pics"

See as soon as I accepted the challenge,I have started writing about other stuff.

chalo rest for some other time.

Also,
A very very happy diwali to all of you!!! :)

2008-09-02T13:28:00.003+05:30

isn't over-expression show-off?

Have your expression ever caused inexpressibility of some else?

Boys Don't Cry

2008-08-31T00:53:00.004+05:30

why?

It is not that I favor Girls crying.
I think crying is a way to express,to lighten your heart.

The problem is,that the guys are not able to cry and girls apart from lightening themselves,use it as a tool to get sympathy and getting things their way.It may not be intentional by girls,but the consequences of crying are that(things happening the way they want).

Crying is no big deal.Why don't we let someone cry instead of stopping them and doing whatever would please them or make their life easy.

Be a Leader

2008-08-30T02:47:00.003+05:30

Do you remember any leaders?Any sort,Political,Spiritual,Philosophical,Social.
Do you remember if they followed someone's footsteps?

No,they don't.

Then why do you?Why don't you carve out your own ways and footsteps?Why follow someone else?
Why what parents say matters?Why you want to be better than others though that may cause you to fall in your own eyes?

Why society sets the norms?Why don't you set them for yourself?

2008-08-13T13:23:00.003+05:30

I am procrastinating things since long,probably since the end of the last semester at college.I have started feeling that whatever I think about,I must do something about them. I must start doing,in stead of just thinking.I don't know what exactly I want to do,but thats the sole thing I really want to do in my life.

I am just hopeful that soon I'll change my paths and set my destination.

2008-08-12T11:13:00.001+05:30

Kitni Baatein Yaad Aati Hain
Tasverein Si Ban Jaati Hain
Main Kaise Inhein Bhoolon,
Kitni Baatein Kahane Ki Hain
Hothon Par Jo Sahmi Si Hain

happy :)

2008-07-17T15:58:00.002+05:30

I am happy that I am able to do,what I really wanted to do and I really feared that I will not be able to do.
And that was to keep(or stay) in touch with friends.

I hope the tough times never come(in this sense).

Freeze Time

2008-07-08T13:50:00.006+05:30

I finally joined the job.Here is what I want:

I want to freeze time for this blog and my regular thoughts(the general ones which comes into my head at any time and at any place).That is,I want to just think the way I used to,the things I like and not like.My viewpoints just at this present time.I don't want them to fade away.I also want to freeze time for the readers.

I want to think just as a fresh graduate.I want my blogs with a mindset of a fresh graduate and not the one slowly moving on to a stupid race like job life.I also want my friends to read my blogs as fresh graduates and not the ones slowly moving into the routines of growing up, accepting the way things are.

I want to live life on my own terms.

Trust

2008-05-10T01:44:00.002+05:30

Dear,

I don't trust you.

I don't trust myself.

I don't think there is any problem.

I am honest and so are you.

But this 'trust' is not.

The problem lies in this thing called trust

The feeling and the security it provides is false.

And I don't want false promises,

I just can't trust this 'trust'.

I want to....

2008-04-29T13:02:00.000+05:30

see a TV series which shows my dreams.

2008-04-24T11:53:00.003+05:30

The less you speak,the more intelligent you seem.
The more you speak,the more stupid you seem.

Not always though.
but sometimes.

2008-04-24T11:45:00.002+05:30

So don't worry baby
You're gonna be just fine
I think you're gonna be just fine
You're gonna be just fine

why?

2008-04-23T01:30:00.005+05:30

Distance

It makes me appreciate many things.

I find beauty in things like music,movies and sometimes even in maths,physics and computer science just because of this.

It helps me understand.

It helps me respect others.

It helps me respect myself.

It make me free!!

It solves many of my problems,including human relations,analytical problems and even debugging.

I sometimes appreciate it.I sometimes forget its existence.

I prefer a dimension of distance in everything that I have or do in my life.

I feel it the most in human relations.An element of distance in even the closest of them make things better.(I prefer it,it comforts me)

However,what makes me inquisitive is,

if it is something so important and useful,then

why is it hard to appreciate it?why?

2008-04-04T23:37:00.003+05:30

...

The way I perceive it and people around me define it,

goodness isn't as good as it seems to be.

...

SMILE

2008-03-08T13:45:00.001+05:30

not for anyone else,

but for yourself.

Please.

:)

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

2008-03-05T09:04:00.014+05:30

.

This post is dedicated to all those,
with whom I have felt a bond of friendship
for even a single moment.

When you meet some friend of yours after some time,the friendship does not start from where it left.It starts on a different note.Interestingly(in my case at least),it has been different with different friends.But it has been there.Time can be very small(even a few days do the magic and sometimes even long years don't affect much).I think,it all depends how much you want from that friendship.But this seems interesting.The time you don't spend with each other ,you don't even think about the anything.You don't try to strengthen or weaken the friendship,but still this time plays a very important role.You are changing every moment.And so are your needs and desires,priorities and so many other things.

We changed slowly.We had less time,our lives were demanding.And the distance increased.But when now,we talk,though we can't talk for long,I still feel what I had in the past and is preserved in the present.

Things changed.We were left with no time for each other.But then things changed again.We topped our worlds.And that made our similar lives.Long working hours,competitive environments,similar options and similar dilemmas.Now we talk once in few years.But we talk for hours.We are very happy for each other's achievements.And we talk about the similar part of our lives.

I just didn't realize how things changed.But they changed.Just one day,when I got up from my bed,I felt that distance when we talked.And thats it,that was the end.

In another case,it happened the other way round.With a few,I just used to have normal chats.And slowly I started feeling like we are great friends.

Another one,I don't feel like friendship.Sometimes we talk and sometimes we don't.Every time we meet its a new fresh talk.A fresh bond.

With many more,things haven't changed yet.And I wish they never change.But if they ever change,the lines below are for my those dear friends.

What I like the most in a relationship is,
No matter how things have turned out,I still have an image of the times I spent with my friends.Even if I can't be with them,because of me or because of them or because of just any stupid reason.I value those times.I value my friends as the ones who made me value so many other things.I just value them.

I wish

2008-02-11T11:42:00.000+05:30

I can close my eyes,

I can close my mind,

whenever I want.

.

Forget Everything,

2008-02-05T19:04:00.000+05:30

Maybe for just two minutes.

And then walk,on the green path,

With cool weather

Or under the warm sun.

Forget Everything!!

open your mind

2008-01-19T00:26:00.000+05:30

and after this,

you will find things easy,very easy.

Simple.

Clear.

Beautiful.

It'll lead to acceptance.

But,telling others is easy than telling yourself.

And thats why here I am,still trying to be one.

Nowadayz

2007-12-20T11:09:00.000+05:30

I find roads dangerous.

I love afternoon sun.

I love my handwriting.

I need my computer.

:)

MYSTERY OF GENIUS

2007-12-18T13:38:00.000+05:30

this ones a bit long,for a change ;)

I am back home.Papa,bhai are not here and mumma making me live life king's ways.So,life's great,cool and a lot velli :).So being velli means loads of time which I proportionately divide into various stuffs.I am kinda enjoying reading newspapers,tv,internet,blog roll,afternoon walks and occasional messenger and telephonic chats.Life is fun,and I am getting ample of time to look beyond my own life.The sole thing I complain about is,that my mom don't make me do much.But you know,thats human,complaining :D.A part of all this vellagiri was an episode on Nat Geo-The mystery of genius,which created some waves in my brilliant brain(you know,I am kidding :) )

They are trying to study what Intelligence is,what makes a genius(some bits of my brain of course,what else can ;)).They tried to study some instances of genius.They told about a mental disorder named as XYZ.In this disorder,a part of the brain is inactive or show very less activity and another part of the brain is highly active.They gave various instances of this disorder.

A guy named A,had great mathematical skills,he can multiply very large digit numbers really fast,can tell you the day on a given date within seconds.There was another guy who can read 15 different languages in different scripts,can read upside down.But both were mentally disabled,can't live on their own,can't find their way if they get lost somewhere.But they are distinct,in their skills.

Interestingly nothing genius in them moved me more than their mental inabilities and still somehow living a life happily.Doing something or the other,earning some basic living,trying to live semi-independently.No,it was not sympathy for them which made me think.

The Lesson:
How simple is life.And how complicated we have made it.So,now I am living a comfortable life,have a bunch of friends and am in constant touch with family.I like and dislike stuff.But I am happy.And there are some tough phases,some sort of a problem,dissatisfaction or just some crisis,and then I am complaining,or if I am not complaining,I am fighting.Well at any point of time am I forgetting something?Am I too much involved into things,comforts or discomforts.Do I forget that what I really want is there intact even during these highs or lows.And there are many people around just suffering to maintain these basic standards.Why am I making it complicated?life is so simple.

All one need is freedom,nothing more.I have not able to earn that.Disabilities in people somehow gave them that.Doing their best in whatever tiny bit they have.We always try to judge ourselves and add expectations to us.We always expect others to judge us correct(else blame them unfair).We are ready to take more even if we give less.We need freedom.
Interestingly,We need freedom from ourselves.

2007-12-14T11:27:00.000+05:30

here is pushkar,

here is my dear sleepy roomie ritu,

here I am,

here you are.Well it includes me too.Please don't mind,I am not sure whether I mean it or not,

2007-11-21T22:05:00.000+05:30

I have realized what I want in my life,

Its not money, fame or love,

what I want the most in my life,

is a cure for common cold.

false friend

2007-10-16T10:44:00.000+05:30

So,

whenever and wherever,

you need to share your joys,sorrows or nothing,a supporter or a critic,

and you find no one,

I'll be there for you,

your false friend.

2007-10-13T15:45:00.000+05:30

Things are changing.
Everyone's changing.

I am changing!!

2007-10-08T00:00:00.000+05:30

kids and elder people are the ones I miss the most in my life.

I have realized that living in a campus makes me interact with only a very few type of people,they have similar thoughts and mindset to an extent.Also,all I interact with are people from my age group.Its when I get back to home and do something apart from sleeping,I get to interact with a variety of people which includes doctors,uncles,aunts,gol gappe waala,fruit sellers etc etc.so, a large variety :P.But yes,its about going to different places, meeting different people,watching tv and eating variety of food.

With this lifestyle,its been long since I talked and spent time with small cousins(they grew up too),younger siblings of friends and my grandparents.I lost some of them too.And It happened just as quickly as It happens in any movie.

I really miss their company,they somehow complete the empty picture my life is.Also,they make me realize(later in time) how small this life is and how much these small moments can make my day(actually much more than a day).I remember spending time with cousins and at some friend's place,playing hide and seek,watching movie,cooking macaroni and corn. I also remember the times spent listening stories relating to tiger and monkeys,their experiences,how they established businesses,how they celebrated the birth of their only daughter(seems weird in 1964 right?but its true).

I wish I get to know/spend time with a few more of them after I leave this place.

7 Days Later, Another multipost but the last one

2007-09-08T00:54:00.000+05:30

NOTE:Each segment is totally dependent on the corresponding segment of previous post.

...............................

Even after writing the previous post I don't mind saying, Is this what life all about?

I hope someday,I will not say the same.I will be too used to the unexpected and hence beautiful life.

So,its talking,though its very repetitive.I think its because,I haven't yet learned my previous lesson properly.

...............................

I am still not able to figure out what was there in my mind.But,I do know that now its occupied by new stuff.Well nothing to worry,this time its about too much work,but variety and low pressure are making me enjoy it.

I still prefer long sleeps,they keep me fresh.

...............................

Well,the semester is still good.And the reason is my attitude and not minors.Minors just helped me realize what all I am suppose to do.

btw,please don't ask my minor marks.

...............................

I don't care much about girl/girls to guys ratio.

All I know is,

For girls,It will only help us in our future lives.As we are going to be among the top and important people of the world,and by then we must know how and how not to act where there are too many guys,just in case :D.

See,I am in airs :).

For guys,I hope its a teenage affect and they'll get over it soon :P.

This time too,I cannot say much because I don't know their point of view.

...............................

I still think they will make me smile :).

...............................

A Multipost

2007-09-01T21:44:00.001+05:30

WARNING:each segment is very different and very much independent of each other.

...............................

Why do everyone including me thinks he/she knows what life is all about?

On the other hand,life's always there to prove that there's something more that you don't know about.

This reminds me that I have a book named "conversation with god for teenagers".Its a question answer session between a teenager and god.

I want to read "conversation with life for me".Its an imaginary book.

I think somehow,in its own language,life talks to everyone.

...............................

There are some mixture of stuffs going around in my mind.I want to talk about it to someone.But unfortunately,neither am I able to find a person to talk to nor these stuffs are getting any words to say about.

I think I need a long sleep.

...............................

The semester is going good.I am liking it.
Thank god minors happened.

...............................

This is a general thought in my mind regarding people in IIT ever since I joined back IIT after interns.The observation is quite old.

Low girls to guys ratio in IIT has a very bad effect on the mindset of guys.Though I think,the effect is created more by the peers and seniors than being a natural effect.

And the effect on girls(this is something I can say more about) is:

(i) finding difficulty in finding an assignment partner.At times,they are assigned the last guy left in a lab.And the reason being,he has no choice.

(ii)Though they know many in their group and are friend with a large lot,they are still found busy in themselves or self-occupied(I think for me at least,this is an advantage.I can just talk or not talk to anyone totally by my choice,by my moods,which sometimes is difficult to achieve even in a very close circle of friends).

(iii)I think,girls live in airs,sometimes at least :).

well can't point out the affects on guys but my perception is that they are much worse.

...............................

I wonder if I'll read my blog a few years hence,all the posts will sound so funny :)

...............................

VOCATION

2007-08-27T02:30:00.000+05:30

When the gong sounds ten in the morning and I walk to school by our lane.
Every day I meet the hawker crying, "Bangles, crystal bangles!"
There is nothing to hurry him on, there is no road he must take,
no place he must go to, no time when he must come home.
I wish I were a hawker, spending my day in the road, crying,
"Bangles, crystal bangles!"

When at four in the afternoon I come back from the school,
I can see through the gate of that house the gardener digging the ground.
He does what he likes with his spade, he soils his clothes
with dust, nobody takes him to task if he gets baked in the sun orgets wet.
I wish I were a gardener digging away at the garden with nobody to stop me from digging.

Just as it gets dark in the evening and my mother sends me to bed,
I can see through my open window the watchman walking up and down.
The lane is dark and lonely, and the street-lamp stands like a giant with one red eye in its head.
The watchman swings his lantern and walks with his shadow at his side,
and never once goes to bed in his life.
I wish I were a watchman walking the streets all night, chasing the shadows with my lantern.

-Rabindranath tagore

2007-08-22T23:29:00.001+05:30

There was a time,sometime in the second year,when I wished I was never free,wished to be always occupied by something or the other.
And now, life has taken a U-Turn, I wish to be in a free state of mind all the time.And if my mind appears to be full,I prefer to sleep or in technical terms, I reboot the system(:D).

A wish changes so quickly.
And still I wish to make decisions now for the whole of my life?
will this wish ever change?
I think it has changed.
I wish it has changed(:P).

P.S. I have used "wish" so many times that I have started questioning its semantics.It happens sometimes,at least to me.

The best time

2007-08-20T02:15:00.000+05:30

2-3 am in the morning.

Everyone has almost slept by now,and a few late sleepers are at least settled in their rooms.
So,I am all alone,my roommate has mostly slept by now.
I busy with something or the other, the net,some music,a movie or a tv episode,sometimes, though rarely, a book or a newspaper.

I love this time.And I love wasting it too.

6 am in the morning,only if I have not spent my best time at night.

The freshness of the morning.People hardly up.I open the room windows.Pour some water on the window panes,which give the smell of the soil.I love it.Nice,fresh air,the bird's chirps,early morning bath.I Sit on the balcony staircase,slight breeze and green gardens.Slowly seeing the world getting up,eying the rising pace of the world.

I love this time too.I love utilizing it for some good.

2007-08-13T03:02:00.000+05:30

I just don't want to grow up......

2007-07-30T04:51:00.001+05:30

She
May be the face I can't forget
The trace of pleasure or regret
May be my treasure or the price I have to pay
She
May be the song that summer sings
May be the chill that autumn brings
May be a hundred different things
Within the measure of a day

She
May be the beauty or the beast
May be the famine or the feast
May turn each day into a heaven or a hell
She may be the mirror of my dreams
The smile reflected in a stream
She may not be what she may seem
Inside her shell

She
Who always seems so happy in a crowd
Whose eyes can be so private and so proud
No one's allowed to see them when they cry
She
May be the love that cannot hope to last
May come to me from shadows of the past
That I'll remember till the day I die

She
May be the reason I survive
The why and wherefore I'm alive
The one I'll care for through the rough in ready years
Me
I'll take her laughter and her tears
And make them all my souvenirs
For where she goes I've got to be
The meaning of my life is

She
She, oh she

bck from banglore,to delhi

2007-07-28T15:04:00.000+05:30

I am back.I am back to my hometown,my city, delhi.I love this place.No specific reasons for that.I just love it 'coz i haven't seen any other big city like this.I just saw one,Banglore. I hated it initially.A place,where u see maddu people all over the place,the jalebi fonts on any shop or showroom u can see.I remember,I used to say,if we delhiites can live without hindi written on every shop,then why not these kannadas. But I must say,its embarrasing for me.I must say,this feeling of nationalism for their state and their language is something missing in a lot of us.Due to which it doesn't matter to me,whether its my country or the other,my language or some alien language.Its all the same,I can do anything for money,to be more precise, for good work.I can change my life and cultures and please note this,during the course of my life,u'll see me doing this.
Well somehow,I still have banglore on my mind.I still don't mind comparing my life here and in banglore.It can be about comparing the super markets,or how much i eat here,how less i work out here or why do I have to ask for money from my dad again.I keep on telling my mom the sched i used to follow there and how frequent I was on coffee.Along with this,I am searching for a special horlicks all over the markets,the one I had in my office.And the common reply i get is,Is this some new flavour ur talking about?
A few days before leaving bangalore,i had a question in my mind.I haven't seen much natives in banglore.Well,I have seen loads of auto drivers etc who are natively kannada.But ,the culture I see there,the places which are flooded with people are not kannada.They are the immigrants who are living there for their jobs and have settled for a while.I heard there's something called old bangalore,where natives live.I just heard that,but haven't seen the place.As u all know,I am busy girl.I hardly have time,at times even to blog :P.Definitely,I was not in search of the original people or culture of bangalore.
Overall,I loved the place,I enjoyed a lot.I earned too,that added on my bank balance and helped me enjoy more :P. I am in no moods of going back to that place to work(though if I end up in a job there,I can't deny that).But,I think I learned a lot there,I came to know many new people and some people better.
So,I am back to delhi,and now even back to iit delhi.My life's going to be the same boring and velli.I love delhi,I'll love it always.But,i know this,that I'll fly off this place soon,with my own choice.I feel at home here,seems i know everyone more here,everyone's friend.The caste and culture doesn't matter here.Its a mixed place.Everyone's allowed.I enjoy eating sweets of all the festivals I don't celebrate.Well,the ghevar's in for now.n I am waiting for dad bring it home(my mouth's already watering).This semester,I want to stay half home and half hostel.I know there are loads of obstacles in this,my parents and my batchmates,but i'll fight them all...and i hope i'll win them all.Also,this year's going to be different.The reason being that I am a senior now,a fourth yearite(hmm)....well i don't think,still,i know all about iit,there's a lot to know about.And,this year I'll be preparing for the non regular exams more than the regular ones.these are more fun,there's less pressure in these case.
well,enough for now,I am tired,i am sleepy and I don't want to write anymore.
I love u all.i love my life.njoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!